Blame Sokka
by Alabaster86
Summary: Sokka goes to Zuko for sex advice.


**Blame Sokka**

Sokka paced a neat rectangle around Zuko's desk. The Fire Lord was reading scrolls while waiting for the warrior to finally say what was on his mind. Remnants of tea and cakes, most of which were inhaled by Sokka, sat on a tray and papers of varying importance were scattered everywhere.

"I can't take it anymore," Zuko shouted. "What is it?"

"Alright, alright, don't get your royal undies in a twist. I'm just looking for the right words."

"Use any words, just say something," Zuko implored.

Sokka took a deep breath and began.

"So, you and Mai….you have sex, right?"

The Fire Lord's head dropped onto the desk and he groaned, "Why me?"

"Well do you?"

"Of course, you idiot; we're married."

"Didn't you do it before you were married too?"

"Well, yeah…."

"Then what's being married got to do with it?"

"Nothing," Zuko snarled.

"Okay, I'm just saying…now, would you say that your sex life is good, exciting, fulfilling and so on?"

"Yes, yes and yes," Zuko replied as his eyes glazed over.

He thought about sex in his office, right on the desk, sex in the bath, sex outside, knives and silk sashes tying hands and sex in the council room with all the council members waiting to enter.

"Zuko," Sokka yelled. "Snap out of the dream state, buddy. I need help here."

The Fire Lord's face flushed a deeper red than his robes and he began to tap his fingers nervously on the desk. He was semi hard and twitched in his seat.

"I'm awake, you dolt."

"Wow that must be some sex you have. And don't call me a dolt, Hot Pants."

"Can we finish up here? I'd like to go see Mai."

Sokka grinned hugely and slapped Zuko on the back.

"You're craving some of that incredible sex right now, aren't you?"

Zuko glared at the warrior, his gold eyes almost burning holes through tan skin.

"Right; Suki and I, well, sex is good and I enjoy it, but it's getting a bit dull. How do you spice things up? Get it? Fire Nation, spicy things, spice stuff up?"

That earned him another glare.

Carefully not meeting blue eyes, Zuko mumbled something.

"What did you say?" Sokka asked.

"We make love in lots of different places, sometimes where we could get caught."

"Oh, so you mean like here in your office?" the warrior asked, now carefully not touching anything.

Zuko flushed and nodded. He wanted desperately to reach between his legs. Remembering Mai's flawless white skin against the desk was driving him crazy.

"And where else; outside?"

Another nod from Zuko.

"Your special Fire Lordy room?"

Nod.

"Closets?"

Nod.

"Is there anywhere you haven't done it?"

Zuko thought carefully and shrugged.

"Wow, I can see how that would make your love life more interesting. Is there anything else?"

"Knives," Zuko said through gritted teeth. "Mai likes to use them."

"Oh, I guess she would. What does she have, like five hundred of them?"

"Lots," the Fire Lord answered succinctly.

"Hmmm, maybe Suki could use her fans for something."

"Good idea. Why don't you go try it now?"

"Suki's not here; remember."

"Then go to wherever she is and try it."

"She's on Kyoshi Island. That's a long way to go and I still have that meeting to attend tomorrow."

"Damn," Zuko moaned.

"Come on Zuko, there must be more."

"Pretend things, you know, role play. Sometimes Mai is my sexy neighbor and I'm visiting her. Actually she was my sexy neighbor."

"So I could pretend to be a pirate while Suki's a damsel in distress?"

"Sure, just like that; though something tells me that Suki will be the pirate."

"Is that a shot at my manhood?"

"No, not at all," Zuko replied.

Unable to wait any longer, he pushed back his chair, stood up and headed for the door.

"Read those scrolls. I'll be back in a while."

"Hey, you're not going to see Mai, are you?"

The only answer Sokka received was the door closing in his face.

"That was rude," he exclaimed and began to poke through the papers. "Eww, they've had sex here. I'm not touching anything."

Meanwhile, a flustered Fire Lord tore down the hallway in search of his wife. He finally found her in the library, almost pushed out the servant who was cleaning and then locked the door.

Without giving her a chance to speak, he kissed her hard and then pressed her up against the wall.

"Blame Sokka," he said between kisses.


End file.
